Stress - is it inevitable, or is it choice?

Robyn M Speed
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Stress – is it inevitable, or is it choice?

I have a great way of dealing with stress: denial! It doesn’t exist, therefore I can’t possibly suffer from it.

When I had a check-up with my doctor he asked me ‘How do you deal with stress?’ I replied ‘I don’t believe in it’, to which he smiled and said ‘That’s a very good attitude’.

(I use the same approach with jetlag: it doesn’t exist. That’s why I have never suffered from jetlag.)

Perhaps the issue is: choose what you ‘buy into’.

When a ‘stressful’ situation arises I approach it in two ways:

1) I don’t suffer from stress, therefore this is not stressful.

2) What steps do I need to take to resolve this issue—I make a plan.

I guess you could say I am very proactive. When life hands me a lemon, I hit the recipe books to see what I can find—why stop at lemonade when I can make lemon meringue pie, lemon cheese, or convert it into a salad dressing, or even just use it to punch up my glass of 7UP.

When your desk is smothered in work that you have to attend to in the next four hours, you have a choice to make, you can stress yourself crazy, or you can have a look at what is there, sort it into priorities, and then start with the most urgent and work your way through. Don’t waste time and energy stressing.

When you have to deal with difficult people all day, I have one very valuable suggestion: go and buy “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. It is a brilliant book and will teach you how to resolve problems without confrontation. There are very few books I recommend to people, but this one is a ‘must have’. I learnt valuable skills from that book, not just how to get people to do what I needed them to do—and what they initially did not want to do—but also how to get my children to tidy their rooms and help around the apartment with no arguments and no stress.

Believe it or not, there are people out there who are ‘stress junkies’. They are not happy unless they are under stress, the more stress the better. They choose stress because it makes them feel as if they are carrying heavy responsibilities, it makes them feel that they are successful—after all if they weren’t successful they wouldn’t have all this work heaped upon them. Right?

If you want to be a ‘Stress Junkie’ fine, go ahead. But don’t take your stress out on colleagues, friends or family. And don’t be surprised if that stress begins to affect your health—you may develop high blood pressure, suffer loss of appetite, chronic indigestion, muscle aches, tension headaches, depression or anxiety.

If you feel that you are under stress and you would like ‘out’ from under there, think about what you can do to alleviate your stress:

Make a plan, listing the steps you can take to deal with the burden of work. You will find that once you have written that plan, a weight will lift off your shoulders, and you will feel that you can handle it all.
Try to squeeze in some exercise, be it the gym, a run, rollerblading, or even vigorous housework.
Learn how to meditate, but remember to always say a prayer before you meditate (this is very important). You can choose a mantra; you can listen to your breathing; you can sit there and think of nothing, just listen to the sounds around you; you can lie down and go through each part of your body focusing on it being relaxed; or you could meditate on a calming color (pale blue, indigo, purple).
If you have a bathtub, grab some lavender oil and add a few drops to the water. I have a friend who sets candles around the bath, turns off the lights and just takes some ‘alone time’ to relax and distress.
Watch your favorite movie. Close the curtains, make yourself some popcorn and get comfortable.
Try to be more optimistic. A simple change in attitude can bring dramatic results, but remember that this change in attitude must not be a temporary change, it must be a permanent one.
Be kind to all people, treat all people well, regardless of who they are and what they do, because what you dish out to the world always comes back to you. Treat people well and you will be treated well. You may treat the taxi driver well, and then one day a lady in a coffee shop will go out of her way to treat you well.
I have two children, so don’t try to tell me that being a mother is not stressful, it is, but my children are the most wonderful people I know and I love them so much that any stress that does come along is very fleeting indeed—by choice.

If you are under stress there are two questions you should ask yourself: Do I like to be under stress? Would I like to find ways to alleviate this stress?

Stress is simply not something you have to put up with. It is a choice.

I chose to not suffer from stress, therefore I don’t.

What is your choice?

© Robyn M Speed