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Robyn M
Speed |
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Journal of the Wandering Mind
The conclusion of 2009 and 2010 saw me facing issues that all had problems attached... My car had a leak and we were not sure where it was coming from, plus there were a lot of other things we needed to do to the car. It was a work in progress, and I knew that only once it was all completed would I be able to move on with other work. The work is not complete yet, but we are almost there. My website stopped working and the resultant issues saw me unable to access my website for three weeks and also unable to receive emails from that account. All sorts of problems abounded and many many emails were sent to try and sort it all out. Finally, this morning, I was able to access my website and receive emails. What a relief to have that concern taken care of. I feel like I can breathe again! I wanted to get shelving built, but time factors meant it did not happen. However, I have accepted that it can simply wait for a couple of months. It is not urgent. I am not the only person who has faced problems that simply should not have arisen...and it made me wonder "why?" Could it be that there are niggling issues in our lives that we have to deal with before we can move forward? Are these bigger issues representative of other issues in our lives? Are there other parts of ourselves, or the way we live, or the way we interact with other people, that could be improved? Should we be examining these areas? I believe we do need to look closer at how we are living, and at what there is about ourselves that we should be working on. Time is beginning to pressure us. Why? Because we have not been listening. It is time we did listen, and time we paid attention. We have to step up to the mark. We have to take full responsibility for ourselves, for every thought, word, and action. We cannot blame other people. We have to be responsible. A harmonious world will only happen when we act harmoniously in all areas of our lives. Think on this, and make a decision about what you can do to live more harmoniously. Problems arise for a reason. What is there that we can learn from each one? There is always more going on that we are able to see and understand, but shouldn't we at least try to understand as much as we possibly can?
When we feel that we are a piece of wood adrift on the sea of life, at the mercy of the waves and the storms, we feel a sense of powerlessness and fear. What can we do about this? Perhaps the first admission we make should be that we kind of like being part of the ocean, no matter how dysfunctional. This is an honest and true statement. And yet, it’s wrong. The assumption made is that if we are not a part of the ocean, at its mercy, then we are a part of nothing, we have nowhere to belong, we are cut off from the ocean, separate, isolated. Yet, even that is wrong. Wrong by perception. To regain, or perhaps discover for the very first time, the sense of inner peace that so many people cry out for, there is a simple question we can ask ourselves: do I want peace in my life? If the answer is yes, then with that admission comes the commitment to at least take the very first tiny step towards it. Pausing first, however, we will consider this ocean that we believe we are a part of. The ocean of life, the ocean of humanity, the ocean of Oneness…but what of the Air above it? Is that not also a part of the Oneness? There, you see, in that tiny questioning voice in the back of your mind you have already begun to question what you thought you new. And as a result of that questioning you have risen every so slightly upwards. The term Ocean of Consciousness has been bandied about for years, and perhaps this is why we use the terminology so readily. But it is time to understand it in a new way. An ocean of water and the air above it. What are the density levels of each? An emotion as light as air…or one as heavy as water...there is a difference. The belief that the water is all there is, is what keeps us trapped within it. Now it is time to consider that all exists within the ALL. That all is ALL. The air above, the water below, it is ultimately of the same energy. The difference between living at the water level and living at the air level (above the water) is simply your vibrational level. It is you who dictate what level you live at. You don’t need to be the ocean, when you can float (if not soar) above it. The question would be: how do we get to float about the ocean? Consider our most negative thoughts that we think in a day, and the most negative behaviours that we perform in a day, and it is these that keep us trapped in an endless cycle. Instead of blaming every possible outside force for our choices of behaviour and thought, we need to step back and accept that no one can make us feel a specific way, it is we who choose our responses, actions and thoughts. The greatest difficulty many of us face is that we don’t know how to love ourselves unconditionally. We look to other people to create the ‘picture’ of who we are, and that picture is painted by the way they treat us, what they say to us, how they look at us. What we so often fail to understand is that they are in the same situation we are, looking to the outside world to show them who they are. Catch 22? Not really. To consider what we give to other people helps us to realise that we help to paint their picture, so what would happen if we started to be positive, loving and supportive in our dealings with them? If we tried that for a month we may see a change in them, and thus a change in they way they dealt with us. It’s a cycle. And yet, it is not where we will find our own true portrait. Our true self image must be one we embrace for our self, one that is not affected by the outside world. Our acceptance of our self, our love of our self, these are things that rest solely with us. And if we are to leap from the water into the air, this is where the work needs to be done. We could
begin by asking ourselves: In answering yes, we have just painted a wonderful portrait of a loving, kind, honest, hard working, caring, supportive person. That is most certainly someone to be proud of, and someone to love. If, however, we feel that we are critical, mean, argumentative, demanding, selfish, violent…well these are things we may seriously need to consider working on. There is no truth whatsoever in the argument ‘I cannot change’, that is simply a way of saying ‘I refuse to change’, in which case you will remain as you are, where you are. To rise, these things need to be examined, understood and released. As we overcome what we consider to be our weaknesses, as we find more peace and acceptance in our lives, as we grow to love ourselves, we will find that we are rising from the ocean into the air. The air is a space of positivity, love, joy, kindness, and peace. If we want to live here, it would be wise to consider making these qualities the focus of our thoughts, for what we focus on is what we draw to us. We may find that we dip from the air into the water, back into the air and back into the water, and this is a natural part of the process of leaving the water and existing at a higher level. It does not necessarily happen over night, it takes inner work, inner growth and spiritual evolution. Every time we stumble, we get up and try again, and again, and again. And it is so very very worth the effort. Michael Jackson I was here long enough for you to listen Do not mourn my passing, mourn your own deafness.
We do mourn the loss of Michael Jackson, but even I will admit that I did not give enough attention to his music and to his message. When I look back now at some of his later videos I am astounded at the deep spiritual messages that I had failed to see. The man had skill, mastery, insight, and a wisdom, but we did not believe it. Yes there has been much said about Michael...but my belief is one has only to look into the eyes of another to truly see what is there. The man loved people, he wanted to share his heart with the world, and he did. Was he misunderstood? Yes! Did he take cosmetic surgery too far? Think about it...if your Dad teased you, cruelly, about 'your big nose' wouldn't you want to do something about it? I believe many of us would if we could afford to. Michael could. And the dimple in the chin? Hey, that's cute! He wasn't trying to change who he was, just tend to what he had been led to believe were 'flaws'. There was much cruelty, gossip and name calling directed at Michael over the years. People who decided what they wanted to believe regardless of what the truth was, people who abused him, and insulted him. It does not matter if you are half way round the world when you call him a dreadful name, the energy of that goes to him. Though I love the media...many many lies are spread through the media, many untruths, much scandal, and seldom much of the good stuff. Bad news and scandal sells. That is the unspoken mantra of newspapers and magazines. I wish that Michael had been unconditionally loved and supported by everyone. I wish he had been recognized, encouraged and appreciated by everyone. What I am grateful for is that his UK concerts sold out so fast! It told him he still had many many fans out their who did believe in him! It gave him the opportunity to put that past behind him and get back to what he truly loved to do...and I was so looking forward to seeing what the next years would bring... But...Michael passed away in the midst of it all. The man died with a full heart. He died in the midst of doing what he most loved to do in the world. Now...he moonwalks with the Angels! He is in a place of joy and peace and song. He is home. To every person who bought tickets to those UK concerts, I personally thank you, for you told Michael "Yeah, we still love you and your music and we want to see you perform." You gave him something greater than words can express. For this, you have my respect and my gratitude. I am sorry Michael Jackson has passed on...but I am glad he has found peace and joy.
Michael will watch over his children. His love will always embrace them. The bond they share can never, never be broken, can never, never be tarnished, can never, never weaken.
I have been reading about the Native Americans as part of my research for an essay I have to write next semester. It has been heartbreaking reading. It has been discouraging reading. A people, of many tribes, with so much to teach us, and we did not listen...we did not learn... If we had listened and learnt we would have discovered that here were a people who lived in balance with their world, taking only what they needed, living in tune with both worlds, the physical and the spiritual. To you all, I am so sorry...but we are ready to learn now. We need you now. For our way has not worked. We are using the earth up. We have shown that we do not respect her or value her that we are intent only on plundering her. Teach us now, though I fear only some of us will listen. It is time we learned to live in balance, to embrace the best of ourselves, to nurture each other and our world. My path has been long, but only this year have I made some new changes. I built, just a few weeks ago, a three bay compost bin, one that was perfectly suited to what we as a small suburban family needed...
...and now I rake up the leaves that have fallen and instead of putting them in the rubbish I put them in the compost, along with grass clippings, food scraps etc. It is time I took what this tiny piece of land offered and allowed it to compost down so that I can give it back to the land, back to the plants, and grow food for my family. It has helped me to understand how nature has always lived in such balance: tree drops leaves, leaves compost down and nourish the tree so that it can produce new leaves in the next season. It is a cycle. I never bothered about it before, but now I am very serious about utilizing all I can, of not wasting that which could be utilized. I also plan to build some new raised gardens do that I can grow strawberries, which I will create a cover for to keep the birds off, though I will be scattering some about for the birds to eat. I will share with my animal brothers and sisters. I will extend some gardens and build others, not just so that I can feed my family, but so that I can give to my elders. I want to live in balance with this small piece of land. I want this land to know I love her and respect her. This is a part of finding a way to live in balance and harmony, a way of living that the Indians always had, that was so commonplace to them. When the Indians lived free on the land, the land prospered and there were plenty of animals to hunt. Under the care of the white man how brief a time it has taken for the animals to diminish, for the land to suffer. What has been gained? We are running out of time. We need to learn how to live in balance with each other and with the Earth. We need to cherish the land, the animals and each other. We have done many terrible things to each other. It is time to ask our Native American Elders, can you help us, for some of us are ready to learn. We need you to teach, for, those of us on this path, we are a family, a new tribe. We are the a tribe of Light and Wisdom and Love who desire to help save the Earth and each other. To all indigenous peoples, we ask you to look deep within your knowledge, and if you can help us, please, help us, join us. They were
there to teach us Let us not lose another opportunity. God asks only one thing of us. Jesus only ever asked one thing of us. To love one another unconditionally. When? Now! The adult student. In the later stages of last year I decided I wanted to start working towards a university degree. Why? Because I felt ready for the challenge. A degree won't grant me a qualification which will suddenly allow me to do the job I have always dreamed of doing because, frankly, I am doing that job already! I want to do this for me, to understand more about this physical world around me. I want to do this for the sheer pleasure if learning! One step at a time. I think part of this 'kicked off' because of something I took up last year: learning the classical guitar. I found a great deal of enjoyment in learning to understand not just the notes music but the nuances within a piece of music. I never imagined that this joy of learning would take me to university! At first I looked into what courses I might like to take, and found classes I would never have dreamed of! I looked, examined, tossed up, and decided what I wanted to do. It was, however, one thing to talk about it, bit was another to go ahead and do it! I was not scared though, it all seemed so natural. Even when I enrolled and paid it all seemed natural. The scariest part, the part that made me think 'Oh what have I done?' was when the course material arrived! A folder holding a stack of pages two inches thick!!! When I started looking through it I really wanted to back out and run! I continued to read. I continue to panic. But the more I read, the more I thought to myself 'I can do this.' And I can! In fact, not only can I do this, but I am doing this! The first paper started this week. If I can do this, anyone can. So, if you doubt yourself? Stop. Believe that you can do anything. It all begins with one step. I am ready for this new journey. Some people have suggested I go to university full time and get the degree quickly, but I am taking it slowly doing a paper or two (or maybe even three) a year, and continuing with what is truly important to me: writing and spiritual evolution. Anyway...I'll keep you posted. I am sitting here, writing, with our newly adopted kitten on my lap, and all would be well if she had not just farted! The new kitten, named Isis, joined our family a week ago -- an unwanted kitten adopted from the Cats Protection League. I consider it a great privilege to take an animal into our family, love her and give her a home. I am astounded at the number of people out there who adopt a kitten and then, when the kitten grows up a bit, want to sell it or give it away. It is appalling, be it a cat, a dog or a bird. Here are some rules I think are only fair:
I am appalled every time I read of unwanted pets for sale. These are living creatures, with feelings. You only have to look into the eyes of an abandoned cat or dog to see its pain. You have only to look into the eyes of a kitten who has found a wonderful home, to know the peace and contentment that they feel. We have a responsibility to those weaker and smaller than ourselves. We have a responsibility to nurture the life of this world. My role is to teach, to share what I know, and share what I learn. Why? Because I chose this role. I came here to do this. Yes, I am a daughter, a sister, a wife and a mother (my most cherished and devoted role), and a friend, and yes, I chose those roles—some to get me here, and some to help me learn. To be all that I can be I need to understand the human experience. Facing a problem means I have the opportunity to find a solution for that problem. When I find a solution I am able to help someone else find their solution for a similar problem. If one person can find solution, so can all people. All we need is to desire to change. I am committed to helping all people find a way to make their life as divinely beautiful as possible, given our human limitations and the demands of the material world. I have struggled with the issue of income, only to arrive at the realization that money has nothing to do with my work. It does not (and can not) drive my work, or inspire my work. The novels that I create are a collaboration with my Teachers, who are, consciously, a part of the I AM Consciousness. Through parable we tell a story and teach. We share what we hope, and believe, will help you. In this ‘economic climate’ it is difficult to persuade a publisher that readers are even seeking such parables or teachings or even that they are seeking help. I suppose I could write a channeled book on ‘the truth’, but to be completely open and honest: I love to write and I always have. That is how I know that this is the right avenue through which I am to work. Obviously when I talk to people, face to face, or on the phone, I am able to help them directly. But a book can travel the world, and be shared, poured over, dog-eared, and either treasured or dismissed and tossed aside in the air port departure lounge (where perhaps someone else will pick it up). I believe in the glory of the ‘wonder’ that we feel when we read spiritually inspired fiction. I will continue to work towards getting these books that are manifesting through me published, and I know that the world is changing and people are ready. I am blessed in many areas of my life, I am blessed with loved ones, cherished friends, cherished fellow travelers and Soulmates. To help you I have to keep learning and growing, and continue to evolve, which is not a problem as I have never been content to stop and sit and stay where I am—spiritually speaking. If you showed me round one corner I would always want to know what was round the next corner, just as if you showed me one level of understanding, I would always want to know what was at the next level, and the next and the next. Unconditional love. Unconditional acceptance. I know that these two are paramount to the human existence, to our happiness, to our serenity. They are also issues many people have trouble with. Unconditional love and unconditional acceptance of our self must come first. If we do not have that, then we can not give it to another. I cannot share unconditional love with you if I do not unconditionally love myself, just as I cannot accept you unconditionally if I do not unconditionally accept myself. Our first great relationship must be with ourselves. This path that we walk is a path of Self discovery. Only when we come to know our self can we truly love our self. The big question is: who am I? ... You know those quiet peaceful moments when all is right with the world? That's you. You know the joy at the smell of freshly mown grass in summer? That’s you. You know that love that you feel when you embrace your child? That’s you. You know the safety that you feel when your own parents wrap their arms around you? That’s you. You know that feeling in your heart when you see a beautiful kitten or puppy? That’s you. You know that peace when you are sitting on the doorstep with a cup of tea just relaxing and enjoying a beautiful day? That’s you. That is who you are. I love that person. So should you.
(The
above photo was taken at the Warbirds show, Mystery Creek, Hamilton, New
Zealand.) |
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© Robyn M Speed |
