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Robyn M
Speed |
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Journal
of the Wandering Mind
Each January I look at my diary for the coming year. Blank pages waiting for me to fill them with something (actions, ideas, inspirations, reminders, appointments). That empty diary is a beautiful metaphor for the possibilities each new year brings. An empty diary is a metaphor for a year of exciting possibilities. I choose what I will do each day, be it working on a novel or taking time to write an article or simply espouse my opinion on the topic of my choice on this website. The constant theme that runs through everything I write, say and do, is a search for the truth. Each page in the diary awaits my choice of action for that day. It will be a condensed summary of what I achieved and learnt, a track of progress made or unmade. I also set aside a page on which to list my ambitions for the year. They may be as simple as my family being happy, or as complex as 'getting my first novel published', but they are at least listed there, stated clearly in thought, word and ink--when you've written it down you cannot deny it. To write down your ambitions is to affirm them and commit to them, more so than if they just remained vague hopes drifting through your mind. However, as noble as all that may sounds, December brings the hideous review of the diary. There are way too many blank pages in my 2003 diary. And the list of ambitions remains 60% unachieved. This review of the diary is the most depressing act of the year. (See 'December' in the Journal Archives I). Am I going to do the same thing in my new diary, enter lots of hopes, start the year with lots of ambitions, and then allow it all to slide away? No. In 2003 I did achieve a number of successes, and through them I have gained a greater degree of faith in my work--in my ability to share truth, in my ability to share a 'unique' view of the world, and in the degree to which I am able to share my heart. My understanding of myself and the world has changed, grown. I intend to build on that next year. What I am going to be careful about doing is: making a list of ambitions for that new year that really are achievable and not a list of 'wouldn't it be great if...' I have fulfilled my apprenticeship at the 'what if' roundabout, and endured enough of its let downs. What I look at, next December, is my choice. Next December, when I glance through the diary of 2004 I want to see those pages full, I want to see the list of goals ticked off and added to. I want to reach December a richer, wiser, more enlightened BEing, whose novels have been accepted for publication by the perfect publisher. 2004 is going to be a fabulous, brilliant, wonderful year!
A politician from somewhere in Asia, on a recent visit to New Zealand, said that New Zealanders needed to make a mindset shift to pay attention to what's going on in Asia and to follow developments there and feel that they are a part of it. Follow developments in Asia? Well.....I don't know what to say, except New Zealanders don't follow anyone!!! And as far as many Asian nations go New Zealand is ahead of them in many ways. In New Zealand employers do not work their staff like dogs. They understand the necessity of relaxation and recuperation on weekends. Working all day every day with no time off is detrimental to a persons physical and mental health. Time to have a sleep in, walk on the beach, play a game of rugby, go skiing, visit friends, go biking, all these things are ways of releasing stress--and having a life! New Zealand's business ethics and standard ways of doing things they outstrip many Asian countries. The belief that because NZ is 'out in the middle of nowhere' that they are behind the times and backward is an insulting comment to make and a ludicrous viewpoint to take. New Zealand lead the way in many areas, and are renown for computer graphics in movies. They host both Hollywood and Bollywood in their movie making ventures. They are great sports people, and they make some of the finest beers, wines and cheeses in the world. A nation of handymen whose fence building, brick work and car tinkering, are legendary. ...Wearing overalls, hands black with grease, I sat on the front wheel of my sister's Triumph Herald with the hood up while Dad sat on the other wheel, and he taught he how to change the spark plugs and check other bits and pieces round the engine... New Zealand has social welfare and pensions for its citizens, so there are no beggars on the streets, no elderly people working in fast food joints or cleaning tables in food courts, or sweeping footpaths in condos. The elderly do not have become babysitters and raise their grandchildren because their own children cannot afford to stop working and raise their own child, instead they are on the golf course (rain, hail, wind or shine), or the bowling green, or taking a walk through the botanical gardens, or doing whatever they enjoy doing. ...my Dad, aged 74 years, eagled the par 4 18th hole on Friday!... Some Asian countries are trying to bring into their education system methods that New Zealand has been using for decades. In New Zealand creativity, thinking outside the square, and independent learning have been vital parts of all education. New Zealand: The first to give woman the vote. The first to say to the USA 'we will not allow your nuclear armed vessels near our shores'. Amongst those who did not support the Iraq invasion. The only country in the world where you can buy the carbonated drink "L&P". The country who really did invent the pav. The country where people can afford to own a house and at least one car. The country where they have a vegetable garden at the end of the yard. A New Zealander can fix almost anything with a piece of number 8 fence wire--and if that's too big, they use a paperclip. A country that I am so proud to say that I belong to. New Zealand does not belong to me, I belong to New Zealand. New Zealand follow? I think not.
New Zealand lead? They have been doing that for years! (PS: By the way the fruit is called 'kiwifruit', the New Zealander is often called a 'Kiwi', and the actual Kiwi is a flightless bird (neither fruit nor human). When you say you are going to 'eat a kiwi' you are actually saying you are going to 'eat a New Zealander' or you are going to 'eat a protected native bird of New Zealand'--I strongly recommend against attempting either! And Chesdale is pronounced 'chez-dale' not 'cheese-dale'. )
I watched the World Cup Rugby match between England and Australia. What an excellent match. I had not watched all of the World Cup matches but I did watch both Wales and New Zealand play well and then make mistakes which gave many penalty kicks to the opposition. The more desperate they got the more they seemed to make mistakes. In the end the other team did not win by playing brilliantly, they won on the back of the other team's mistakes. I watched Australia score then England score and then England score again until England was well ahead of Australia. But then the England team started making mistakes, giving away those precious penalties and suddenly both teams were neck and neck. The match went into twenty minutes of overtime. Australia scored, then England scored and the teams were still even. Another tweny minutes of overtime seemed inevitable, until the ball was passed from one man to another and then to Jonny Wilkinson who did the most perfect drop kick in the history of mankind. In the last minute of overtime England won the match. Yes, I was on the edge of my seat the whole match. My ancient English ancestry had reared its head along with the traditional rivalry between Australia and New Zealand--a rivalry that leaves us shouting for anyone BUT Australia to win!!!!....honestly we love the Australians, we really do, but NOT when it comes to rugby. I mean, did you watch the match between Australia and England? You have just got to love a team that has the guts to go out on the field dressed in a white uniform. White! Not even a speck of blood on their uniforms by the end of the match....the same cannot be said for Australia. After the Australian team won the match against the All Blacks the coach said that they have not even given it a hundred percent effort (.....mmmm, a bit like "I bet you with one hand tied behind my back", the kind of remark that never goes down well with anyone...), I was surprised to see nothing new in their game against England. No flash moves, no startling runs, nothing that we had not all already seen. Well, the England team gave us some wonderful moves, some amazing kicks, and some terrific passing, and I have to say that they definitely deserved to win. And, from a woman's perspective, the English team were the better looking, smarter dressed team. Lovely English lads they were. How many children born in England this month will be named Jonny?! England deserved to win. And I hope that they enjoy their victory to the maximum, because in a few years time, the All Blacks are gonna take that Cup off you!! Yes I know, that is what people say when their team loses. I watched the All Blacks game against the Wallabies, and I admit that I wanted to see the All Blacks win. But we didn't. Now, I am not an authority on Rugby, I am just someone who enjoys watching it. However, I disagree with some of the stuff I am hearing and reading regarding the All Blacks defeat, so I would like to put my own views across here. The All Blacks tried, really hard, to win that match for New Zealand. They came off the field physically and emotionally beaten and bruised. They did not lose on purpose. Did they loose because they were outplayed? No, in my opinion they did not. They lost because their game was frustrated by the Wallabies. Everywhere an All Black turned there were three Australians in their face. They couldn't move. The Australian team scored a fabulous try when a man just broke through the ranks of the All Blacks and sprinted for the line. No one could catch him. It was a brilliant run. But the rest of their play was not so fantastic. The majority of their points came from free kicks after the All Blacks made mistakes. Their play was simply not that skillful--it was brute strength and their ability to swarm all over the All Blacks like blowflies that they relied on. As far as spectacular moments of astounding skill, that solo run was it! A question to Australian mothers: what do you feed your children? The sheer size of some of those Australian players, my goodness, they were built like brick ****houses!!! There was no way the All Blacks could run through them! The All Blacks lost because their game was frustrated and because they allowed themselves to feel frustrated and desperate, and thus they made some mistakes. I have no doubt that they later kicked themselves silly over those mistakes. If they had not made the mistakes that gave the Australian team the chances to gain more and more points, would that have effected the outcome? Maybe we would have won, but maybe we would still have lost. To the All Blacks I want to say: thank you trying so hard to win for New Zealand. And thank you for the stunning wins we got to enjoy up until that match. I watched your match against the Springboks with some South African friends and I thank you for winning and granting me a week worth of bragging rights! Of the people who now criticize the All Blacks for their loss, I ask you: have YOU won every game you have ever played? Is it realistic to expect the All Blacks to? No sportsman or sports team wins every event. I will leave with one more parting shot: which team was it that seemed to be calling for frequent medical attention throughout the match? I'll give you a clue: it was not the All Blacks. So, who was truly the tougher team? There's always the next World Cup...
All Blacks won! Springboks lost! What made the victory even sweeter? We watched the match with South African friends--quite a sad game for them to witness, boo hoo, poor babies. I was so delighted that the semi finals onwards are on public television in Singapore (we don't have cable) and that while my family back in New Zealand are watching the match, so am I in Singapore. But gee, watching the All Blacks...wow! What a game! What a celebration of human determination and courage. When I watch the player get the ball, look at the opposition team and then try to run right through them I wonder what is going through his mind? After watching four quarter final matches over the weekend I wondered what was it that made a winning team. The conclusion I came to was that the winning team merely saw the opportunities and they sprinted for them, they seized the opportunities that presented themselves. And I think England won because the team from Wales gave away too many penalties, they made so many mistakes that they just gave the gave to England--which was sad because they played the first half brilliantly. What has rugby taught me? So, what have I learnt from watching rugby?
For the upcoming matches involving the All Blacks we will be joining two fellow New Zealanders to watch that match and I am hoping that there will be much cheering and celebration!! All I can say is: GO ALL BLACKS!!!! I finally understand what rugby is all about. We have just spent a week on holiday in Malaysia. Regardless of what you may have read or heard, Malaysia is a fascinating country. We spent part of our time in Penang and the rest in Ipoh. In case no one has ever told you this: Ipoh has the best food in all of Malaysia and Singapore! Penang had been experiencing the most rain in a hundred years, hence instead of being greeted by heat, sun and golden sands, we were met by a markedly cooler temperature than we had ever experienced on any previous trip, and also greeted by beaches with a tide mark of debris and rubbish that the ocean had deposited on the shore. The hammocks we had hoped to relax in had been put away because of the incessant rain. We were, however, lucky that in our few days there the rain held off until late afternoon. Since I have always said 'I only ever swim in Penang' I was forced, by my children, to join them in the somewhat cooler than hoped for pool where we ended up swimming while it rained. Raining, cold and we were the only people in the pool--and my children laughed that they had managed to get me in the pool in the worst possible conditions! We saw monkeys running across the power lines, and squirrels too (dark brown squirrels with yellow faces). And whilst my daughter and I sat out on the balcony at the back of the hotel (where the hotel puts all the family units) we saw monkeys in the trees four floors below us. Discovery channel right outside the window! We went up Penang Hill and watched monkeys waiting alongside the tracks for the driver to throw them food. And we had a cup of tea at a hotel at the top while small snakes slept curled around the verandah outside. The cup of tea was a requisite after husband decided a tree canopy walk would be just brilliant--not realizing wife and son are terrified of heights. Never mind, wife and son faced and conquered the 'fear factor challenge' and none of us fell from the wobbly rope bridge, one plank wide, to our deaths. We did a day trip to Lumut and Pangkor Island, and learnt, from the roti canai man that sugar on roti is great! On Pangkor Island we quickly walked past all the shops of odor-rich dried seafood for sale and made our way to the beach on the other side. We sat, drinking out of coconuts and watched the afternoon sun sparkling on the water. Small islands dotted the view and the balmy breeze was just perfect. Next time we will stay overnight just so we can watch the sunset. A walk along the shore revealed beautiful shells that had washed up and about 40 small fish (yes we counted them) that had washed up dead onto the shore, after dieing in the fisherman's nets or being discarded over the side of the boat. In Ipoh we visited the temple and caves when people hid out from the Japanese during WWII. A Quan Yin statue stands beside the entrance, and her Madonna-like smile always seem to get just a bit wider each time I look at her. Malaysia is fascinating and chaotic. Penang is a little bit of everything, and next time we go we will be (again) hoping for golden sands, heat, sun, monkeys and squirrels...and yes, I will swim because, after all, I only ever swim in Penang! I read in the paper about a Man in England who killed his daughter because she was going out with someone who he did not approve of. It has been referred to as an 'honor killing'. Well, I would like to talk about this honor killing business, this honor murder. A daughter supposedly brings dishonor on the family and she is killed by her family to retain that honor. Shall we just forget that when you kill a mother's daughter you not only kill the daughter but you destroy the mother too--she raised that daughter, she loved that child with all her heart and now she is forced to stand back and allow her to be murdered. How on earth could anyone ever believe that honor at the price of a member of your family was a worthwhile price? Anyone who does this HAS no honor in the first place. You cannot murder to retain that which you did not have. A family that murders one of its own shows us that they have no love, no compassion, no caring, no forgiveness, not hint of human decency. Who decides what act is worthy of an honor killing anyway? Man does. From a religiously justified perspective: I AM/God/Allah created each and every one of us and everything that we see around us. I AM/God/Allah created the flowers and the rain, the moon and the stars, the animals and the rocks. So, how does I AM/God/Allah feel when we murder those we are supposed to love, when we murder that which He/She created? When you murder, you destroy something beautiful, something wonderful, something DIVINE. You destroy what I AM/God/Allah created. When you murder, do not ever ever do that in the name of your God, do not kill and claim it is the will of your God or that it is His/Her requirements because that is absolute bullshit, absolute lies, absolute misunderstanding. We are supposed to love one another, to show compassion and mercy and forgiveness, towards each other. We are supposed to help each other to be the best that we can be. We are supposed to understand that we are all one people, all one humanity. We are not supposed to look for differences between us and use them to create a 'them and us' situation. We are one people, and there is only ONE GOD, regardless of what name you call Him/Her. If you truly want to honor your God: honor your family and friends and neighbors and every person you ever meet or pass in the street. There is no such thing as an 'honor killing'. Killing has no honor! Who are our latest heroes? Sarah on 'Witchblade'. Why? Because we are tired of perfect heroes with adoring fellow characters. We are tired of stories where everyone makes up perfectly at the end. What I love about the characters Sarah and Jordan is that no matter what they do they always seem to get in trouble. They remind me of me. No matter how hard I try I just seem to end up either in trouble or blamed for something that has happened. And do you know what? I look at Sarah and Jordan and I don’t care about getting in trouble any more. I don’t care. They do what they feel they must, the follow what they believe, with all their heart, needs to be done. They don’t let a potential problem stop them. What other people are likely to think does not influence their decisions. They do what they need to do to make a difference in this world, and they don’t let anyone else put restraints or restrictions on that, they don’t limit what they do to what is in ‘the book’ or to what is ‘safe’. Sarah and Jordan do what needs to be done, and they do it with bravery, commitment and passion. People can talk all they want about television being a waste of time, but there are some shows that really do inspire us to push harder and travel further. Yes there’s a lot of pathetic, contrived rubbish on television, but there are some gems too. Humankind have always taught through telling stories, and that tradition continues, we are just lucky enough living in an era where books, television and movies have joined that tradition. Sarah and Jordan are characters who inspire us to be strong and brave and push back the boundaries of our comfort zone. I just read something totally bizarre. Someone in Malaysia (it would be unwise of me to say who) thinks that Malaysian universities are producing immoral people. He went further to say that wrestling on television is encouraging violent behavior in society and that women wearing lipstick incites rape. Okay, well, let me be clear with you here: I am a woman. I sometimes wear lipstick. I also wear red and black boots with a strong pointy toe. Should my lipstick incite unwelcome behavior from you I think you can imagine where the sharp point of my boot with end up! This is just another one of those situations where it is implied that the victim is the one at fault. It does not matter if a woman wears lipstick or runs down the street naked, no person has the right to rape her. She has the right to wear what she chooses. It is the rapist who is one hundred percent at fault. It is the rapist who is solely responsible for the rape. To claim that wearing lip-stick incites rape is to state to the world that your men are weak, worthless and refuse to accept responsibility for anything they do. Does not THIS sound like an immoral kind of man? Does not THIS sound like something that should be addressed by society? If a man is led through life by his 'manhood' of what value is he to society? University does not induce immoral behavior any more that going to the mosque or church incites divine behavior. We, each and every one of us, are responsible for our every action, our every word and thought. WE are responsible, and we CANNOT put the blame on anyone else. Women of the world, if you are concerned about possible rape or sexual assault, take some self defense classes, join a martial arts club. Arm yourself with the skills to defend yourself and your honor. And to those of you who have been raped. You did nothing wrong. You are as loved and valued by the rest of the world as you ever were. Walk tall, hold your head high. I have to go now...I feel the urge to go and put on some lipstick... I have been thinking a lot about colors lately. In fact, I’m becoming mildly obsessed about them. I even bought three bottles of mandarin flavored mineral water just because the bottles were blue. We live in a world that is abundant with colour. Why? Because it's pretty? Because it grants variety in our daily living? We live in a world of colors because every colour emits a vibration, and that vibration has a very real effect on our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. Colors can be calming, exciting, healing, energizing. They can elevate our moods or drag them down, they can boost us to a higher way of living, or trap us on the material level. How do you know which colors you could benefit from and which would be an overabundance that could actually be un-balancing? Try this:
What did you experience? If any of the colors made you feel uncomfortable or unsettled, then avoid those colors. I'm not saying don't ever look at them, but perhaps it would be wise not to wear clothing of that color too often and not to have your bedroom or lounge painted in that colour. If any of the colors made you feel calm, content, peaceful, or creative, positive, inspired, these would definitely be colors that you should involve in your daily life. Sometimes a color can make us feel over-emotional, or short-tempered. Calming our life can be as simple as avoiding too much of those colors--clothing, foods, wallpapers, paints etc. Does that sound too simplistic? I'm not saying that this will solve all your problems, but it's a start. It's one easily do-able thing that you can do to help yourself. The truth IS simple--all we need to do is realize that fact. The Indonesian economy was not in good shape as a result of the Bali bombing. In fact, it didn't recover much. The government tried to instill confidence in overseas investors in order to bring business and money back to Indonesia. Indonesian jobs relied on that return of business, tourists and investment. Like everyone else Indonesians have families to support, house, feed, clothe. People began to drift back, some felt that it was highly unlikely there would be another terrorist attack in Indonesia. What has this attack in Jakarta, (Wednesday 5 August 2003), done to all of that? Now all confidence is lost, investment and tourism are lost, jobs are lost. Lives have been lost. I, for one, am not prepared to risk a visit to Indonesia, ever. All this as a 'do what we tell you to do' demand from terrorists? Did they consider the outfall of their actions? What is it they have brought their own people? Suffering, unemployment, starvation, desperation, fear, homelessness. The terrorists may hide behind their religious tests and say they are fighting for their God, or fighting against God's enemies, but their own religious text says: "And when it is said to them, 'Cause not disorders in the earth: they say, 'Nay, rather do we set them right.'" There IS only one God, regardless of the name we use to call on Him/Her. The differences between a Moslem, a Christian, a Catholic, a Jew, a Sikh, a Buddhist, a Hindu, are completely and utterly illusory. We follow ONE God, a God who is Love, Light, Compassion, Mercy and Goodness. One of the Sura's from the Koran that I like the most is:
"SAY: O ye UNBELIEVERS! Religious tolerance. A terrorist may hide behind his religion, but in the end a murder is just a murderer. To kill innocent people can never be justified. To kill a person in the name of God is to hurt God, to take away that which He created, to harm a child is to harm that which He loves and cherishes. To those who have lost a loved one in this attack, or who have had a loved one injured, please accept my deepest condolences and sympathy. It was a needless attack, and a waste of life.
Those that died
A place where they can
never be harmed again.
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© Robyn M Speed |
